Ah begob an’ begorrah, shure ’tis St. Patrick’s day tamarrah, and if any Irishman actually spoke like that, his compatriots would beat him to death with a made-in-Taiwan plastic shillelagh.
By Brendan McAleer
True Irish patois is fast, incomprehensible and as studded with profanity as a PG-13 fruitcake. Ye bloody great clatter of eejits.
You know what else really frosts my lucky charms? In pubs across the province, punters will be bellying up to the bar and ordering a pint of Guinness and then bragging about how thick it is. It’s not thick. You are.
Why? Well, the bespectacled boffins at the Journal of Food Science have exhaustively proved (after visiting 70 pubs in 14 countries) that Guinness tastes best in Ireland. The black stuff we get here is largely brewed under licence by Labatt’s.
Why not hoist a local stout to celebrate the day instead?
None could be a more fitting tribute than Crannóg Brewing’s Back Hand of God, a robust dry stout filled with dark chocolate malts and a crisp finish. Brewed in Sorrento, B.C., the Back Hand is more of a love-tap to your palate than the name might suggest. It’s also fully organic, so qualifies as drinking green beer.
If you happen to be over at the Wolf and Hound for session-music and a bit o’ craic, belay that black-and-tan and ask instead for a pint o’ plague. Storm Brewing’s Black Plague Stout is so good, just thinking about it makes me break out all over in goose-buboes. It’s near double the strength of imported Guinness and closer in spirit to the original brew that would have loosened the synapses of Joyce, Behan, Shaw and Yeats.
For those seeking something lighter, peruse the various Rogue brewing offerings at your local bottleshop and you’ll find their Kells Irish-Style Lager. It’s as light and golden as the tune from a pennywhistle and skips across the tongue the way a fishing curragh skitters over the waves. By comparison, Harp is more of a shambles than Leprechaun 4.
Incidentally, today marks the 40th anniversary of CAMRA. If you’re out-by, why not grab a local craft-beer to celebrate?
Brendan McAleer brings us the latest and greatest (and sometimes the worst) from the world of craft brewing. He is a member of the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA), a society dedicated to supporting local craft brewing. Check out his blog at www.yetanotherdamnbeerblog.blogspot.com for reviews, suggestions and the definition of baconjam.
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